I have learned that christian journey is about growing in His love and growing into likeness of Christ who is our example of that perfect love himself. I have learned that all those struggles God allows to happen through my journey are my chances to allow Him to change my inner being more into this character of perfect love. (1. Cor 13:4-8) I have also seen that these afflictions which God allows to happen in my life, they are like a "tailored treatment plan" for healing my sinful nature into a healthy one (Growing in pureness and holiness!). Why did He allow me to face infertility? Because child was like an idol, graven image for me. It was something that I wanted into my life more than I wanted to have God himself. I know that now because after God freed me I felt like I could live my life happy without having a baby. He had become enough for me. But He definitely wanted me to experience the joy of having my own child, but in that HEALTHY way. The way that that child is not having that most precious place in my heart. If God had given me a child before changing my heart, I would had called my child "the light of my life", "my ldearest, my everything" and so on.. But God is a jealous God and He want's to have that one place in my heart, that place belongs to Him only.